Allow People Space to Grow

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Discerning God’s voice can be trial and error. Hindsight is 20/20, and I can clearly see now that it was the Lord’s voice warning me not to get too involved with a particular woman from church named Patty. She was about 20 years older than me, and after the service, kept asking me to go for pie and coffee. She was lonely since her husband died and went back to church for something to do. Noticing her interaction with church members, the thought came to my mind that she was the church gossip and too much older than me to hang out with, so I resisted her invites, but she was persistent, and, in time, wore me down.

Though leery, we became friends, and did things together: we went for pie and coffee, attended Tuesday night prayer group together, I went to her house, and she sponsored me at a church ceremony. Things were pretty good between us; until, I made a bad choice when going through a depression due to my living arrangement and not getting along with my brother, I started to self-medicate by drinking a glass or two of wine in the evenings before bed.

I had not drank alcohol in years, so it didn’t take much for my eyes to turn blood shot red, and when, I went to Tuesday night prayer group the following night, Patty startlingly noticed, and, rumors began to spread like wild fire throughout the church. I was humiliated!  I stopped drinking the wine right away, but the damage was done; even, one of the pastors rudely shunned me. I wanted to stay at the church, but I didn’t feel welcome anymore. The scripture that popped in my mind was, “Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity” (Ps 133.1, KJV)! Since, I felt my presence was causing division and not unity, I left.

But not before the Tuesday night prayer group and I met at an already planned event to hear a much-loved international minister, teacher, and author. I didn’t really want to go anymore after everything that happened, but I felt God telling me not to miss it, so I reluctantly went, and I’m so glad I did because God got my back, and put, Patty and the others in their place. During the much-loved minister’s sermon, out of the blue, he told a story that was the exact same scenario that happened to me at church, but with a slight difference. Instead of someone who drank alcohol, and then, was practically run out of the church, he told a story about a man who verbally abused his wife, someone caught wind of it, rumors spread, and he left the church out of embarrassment.   

Then, in a scolding voice, he said to the audience, “Do you think that person is going to come back to church after what happened? You humiliated him! He is not going to come back! What you should have done was taken him aside privately, asking him if he was okay, that you detected there might be a problem, and would he like to talk about it in confidence;" instead, of treating him like a piece of trash!

He, then, gave scriptures to back it up, "If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one" (Matt 18.15, NRSV), and "My friends, if anyone is detected in a transgression, you who have received the Spirit should restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness” (Gal 6.1). The purpose is to regain and restore the person back in step with the church and with God in a spirit of humility by not ignoring the “log” in your own eye (my first impression of Patty was that she was gossipy) before magnifying the “speck” in someone else's (Matt 7.3), and “judge” not lest you be “judged” (Matt 7.1), and what about "bear" with one another and "forgive" each other (Col 3.13).

The group at the table were dead silent and stoned-faced, while I was beaming from ear to ear because he said what I wanted to say, but didn’t know how to say it, and to come from such a renowned speaker, made it even better. They got the message, and after the luncheon retreat, tried to be warm, inviting, and conciliatory toward me, but it was too late; besides, I wanted to leave on a high note. I never went back to that church again.

Ironically, a few years later, while working with a guy that said he went to that church; without saying what happened to me, I told him I use to go there; then, unexpectedly, he said that one of the Pastors (he mentioned the one that rudely shunned me) took a leave of absence to go to rehab for alcohol abuse. Isn’t that funny how things turn around, and God, let me hear about it.

Three takeaways from that experience, first, I should have listened to that inner voice warning me about Patty as coming from the mouth of God, but I feared people instead of God, and it brought about a “snare.” Second, when going through tough times, turn my focus on heavenly things such as talking to a competent spiritual person, meditating on scripture, and trusting God to work, and not, on earthly things such as opening the fridge when not hungry, watching too much junk on TV, or drinking alcohol (Col 3.2). Given my past problem with alcohol that they didn't know about, I shouldn't have done it; Patty looked up to me spiritually, and I let her down and the group down, not to excuse what they did, but the whole thing could have been handled better. Third, until that experience, I never realized how important it is to find a church that allows people the time and space to grow without them gossiping, judging, or condemning. 

For example, after leaving that church, I didn't know where to go, so I just quietly went to a church that was the closest to home. Then, a few years later, while at the corner park, I notice a church group ministering to people around there, so I walked over to say hello. After talking with them a little bit, they invited me to their church, and, without them knowing my past church ordeal; amazingly, someone from their group said, “We don’t judge here!” That got my attention and stayed with me and believed that was where God wanted me to go, so I made my way over there, but from that past experience, church was never the same for me again. 

Feelings: The Last to Follow

As a Christian, I learned when walking by faith in the truth of God’s word, feelings are always the last to follow; they’ve been described as like the Caboose on a train because that is how long it takes for them to arrive at your words of truth. Psalm 30.5 illustrates this sequence beautifully to me, “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning” (KJV). The Psalmist knew joy was not far off as he hoped and trusted in God to work as in times past.

For example, when a wave of depression and sadness hits me, Psalm 30.5 is my go to scripture along with other truths such as giving thanks to God in all things (1 Thess 5.18), counting my blessings, praying for those less fortunate, and trusting God to work in the situation; even though, everything I’m feeling that day tells me I’m sad and depress, but by the next morning, feelings of joy engulfs me because that is how long it took for them (Caboose) to catch up with the words I had proclaimed throughout the day before.

Another example, one day, when memorizing scripture, I didn’t feel like doing it, but then, Ps 40.8 came to mind, “I delight to do your will, O my God: yes, your law is within my heart,” I believed that meant to do it; even though, I didn’t feel like it, but by the next morning, feelings of delight overcame me because that is how long it took for them (Caboose) to catch up with my words.

Another example, feeling offended when family members didn't include me in an outing that was originally my idea, I wanted to lash out at them; wishing them a terrible time, but then, Ps 119:165 came into view as my Bible laid open, “Great peace have they which love your law: And nothing shall offend them,” so I hurtfully focused on that scripture that day instead of feelings of anger and offence, and by the next morning, I had great peace. When talking to them later, I didn’t gloat when they told me they had a terrible time; I had great peace about it, and maybe, God just wanted to save me from wasting my time and money; since, it turned out to be terrible. However, if I had gloated, I would have set myself up for a downfall. For, "God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble" (James 4.6).

Other times, we experience up-days when everything goes our way and falls into place: we get the close parking spaces, unexpected deals at stores, hit all the lights when driving, didn’t have to wait in lines, receive good news, but by the next day, it comes crashing down where no matter what we do nothing works out right. There is a lot of truth in the expression, what is up must come down, and what is down must go up.    

The words and thoughts we speak today influence how we feel later. By maintaining a sense of balance in our speech within and without us much like the above examples, fluctuating days can turn into fairly consistent ones. For example, when we are having an up-day, counterbalance it by, although delighted, being humble; When we are having a down-day, counterbalance it by trusting God to work, and that joy comes in the morning. In Psalms, there are many scriptures reflecting this sequence and helpful in balancing thoughts, behaviors, and emotions. 

God: Like a Good Teacher

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For a short time at the school district, I had the opportunity to observe teachers and aides up-close and in-action. What really impressed me was how dedicated they were to their students, and how they had total command of the classroom. Some teachers have been at the same schools for many years and have a close, harmonious, relationship with many of the students. I believe teaching is a gift from God, and pretty much everyone I observed found their gift. There were only a few where I thought, “You missed your calling!”

One such aide named Ella, a retired teacher working in a class of elementary school students with special needs, really knew how to get them moving on their tasks. One student in particular named Nick easily got distracted from his work because he loved to talk and socialize with other students, so to get him to focus, Ella would threaten to take away minutes from his recess. She knew it was his favorite thing to do, and that he loved it. It worked, for a little bit, but then, he soon became distracted again, so after a few warnings, Ella started taking away minutes from his recess.  

It seemed like every time I walked out onto the playground, there was Nick standing by the fence anxiously waiting for Ella to wave him in to play once his minutes were up. I told her that they should put a plaque at that spot with his name on it since he was there so much.  

That got me thinking about how God works with us. Like a good teacher, God knows where to hit us where it hurts in order to move us forward on our tasks. For example, being an introvert, I love quiet, order, and structure, but when I’m doing something God wants me to stop, or to do, or to let go of, and don’t do it soon enough, I notice He brings people along my way that are polar opposites to buffet me; people that are difficult, noisy, and chaotic because that gets me moving in doing His will. Once, I realized the disruptive person placed in my life came from God to get me back in step, I'd repent and, with His help and guidance, turn from what I was doing, or not doing, and then, He'd quickly remove the chaotic person from my path.

We can see that spiritual pattern of sin, discipline by God, recommitment to be faithful and repeated falls throughout the books of the Old Testament. For example, God called Jonah to go to the people of Nineveh to deliver a message from Him, a task he resisted and fled from, so God sent a mighty storm his way to get him back on track. 

Another example, in the Book of Judges, after Joshua died, the people often backslid from God, so to get them on track again; He'd raise-up an enemy from within their camp to buffet them. Then, they'd cry out to the LORD in their trouble, and He'd direct a savior type in the form of a judge to deliver them out of their distresses, and the cycle repeated. 

Their fickleness has its equivalent in our frequent falls in God’s service, at which, God can speak to us directly or indirectly through some kind of divine storm or disturbance to get us back in step. As I heard it said that a good description of a disciple of Christ today might be trying, failing, and trying again.