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I once read in a magazine that older people are happier. One reason given for this is because they are pickier about who they let into their lives. They have learned from experience the type of people that were hurtful, gossipy, pushy, deceitful, manipulative, abusive, one-sided, draining, and are quicker to distance themselves from them. Upon reading this, thoughts came to my mind about how I've cleaned house every now and then removing people from my life that were hurtful or stunted my growth as a person. One such person stood out, which also caused me to remember and act upon a piece of motherly advice I had received about relationships.
As a teenager, my mom often told me that you cannot be "just friends" with guys. I told her that she was out of touch, old fashion, and didn’t understand the younger generation, but it wasn’t until years later that I understood the truthfulness of her words.
I was someone that had male friends throughout my life. It seemed like I got along better with men than women; however, due in part, to one male friend’s excessive sexually explicit talk and sexual misconduct around me, I really got to thinking back on her words and ending male friendships for good.
This particular guy that I had known off and on again over many years only talked about one thing: SEX! No matter how many times, I tried to steer the conversation into another direction, he would always bring it back to that topic; his lack of self-control progressed from there to where he exposed and touched himself in front of me. I started to get nauseated around him, and he would bring me down spiritually. I tried distancing myself from him by not answering his phone calls or text messages, but then, he would just pop-in at my house. When he entered back into my life, I thought maybe it was to guide him onto a spiritual direction that might help bring some balance into that area of his life, but after several attempts, and his somewhat hostile response and lack of interest, I was like, “Nope, that ain’t it!”
Upon reflection, I considered that I had other male friends past and present that used sexual overtones occasionally and tested the waters every now and then to see if I'd be interested in something more than friendship or, at least, friends with benefits, but that was not their main focus, and they certainly were not like that sick perv.
In giving much serious thought about this person, I realized that he had never changed. As long as I had known him, he was always someone extremely preoccupied with sex, and, I learned, heavily into pornography, which go together. Conversely, I have changed over the years growing both spiritually and personally. I came to the conclusion that we had nothing in common since those early days of hanging out at the same after-work partying spots. Also, it became obvious to me that he was not a good friend; his words and deeds bore that out, and just because you have a history in a friendship does not mean it is a good reason to keep it going or to stay in touch any longer.
With that experience, my mother’s homespun wisdom rang true. It became clearer to me that no matter how hard you try to be "just friends" with a guy, there is always that sexual tension between you. I decided that unless I have some romantic attraction, I was not going to be on familiar terms with the opposite sex any longer. I ended male friendships for good, and it has made me a happier person. Thanks, Mom!
